The Or-Jismic Experience!

Interviewer- Hello everyone! Tonight we talk face to face with the most coveted female breather..oops..female actor right now in Jollywood ! We welcome none other than the gorgeous Cloudy Diyo-ni?

Cloudy- Hi (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- Cloudy, is there really a question mark after your surname, diyo-ni? ?

Cloudy- Yes (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- Are you a Sindhi?

Cloudy- Sorry, i don't know Hindi! (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- ahem..(clears throat)..are you asthmatic ?

Cloudy- No (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- Fine, so tell me something about your next project, what is it called?

Cloudy- the Orjism (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- And who is directing it?

Cloudy- Brohit Doori (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- How do you see yourself becoming the bust...i mean the best actress ?

Cloudy- Very (sl)eazily!! (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- Wow, you are not just confident but you are quite modest too. So are you learning hindi to make yours... i mean to make it big?

Cloudy- Haan (breathes heavily)

Interviewer- Can the audience know if you are mating....i mean dating someone?

Cloudy- (breathes even more heavily) I....I....I....(breathing heavily)
(Jumps on the Interviewer as the cameras stop rolling while they make out rolling on the floor!)

Double bed and double standards!

DRAWING ROOM:

Arpita- (shouts)Shona, are we going for Madhu's birthday this weekend?

Pinaki- Can you please come out of the bathroom and then speak to me? No point shouting from there, I cant really hear you, except the weekend bit!

Arpita- (shouts) alright, wait, i'll be out in a couple of minutes!

Pinaki- still can't hear you babe! (murmurs) these women are more stubborn than badly brought up kids!

Arpita- ya so I was saying..

Pinaki- (startled) What the....?? You said a couple of minutes didn't you?

Arpita- Yes, but you said you were not able to hear me at all?

Pinaki- Umm..ya...it....you know...sounds....ummm...muffled...you know??

Arpita- Ya I know! Can you hear me now baby (licks Pinaki's left ear)

Pinaki- hehehehehe...huhuhu, dont do that, i'm ticklish there!

Arpita- Ya ya alright! Listen, I was asking whether...

Pinaki- No, I have plans for the weekend!

Arpita- And why isn't Madhu's birthday amidst one of your plans? And by the way you heard me properly from the bathroom.

Pinaki- Yes I did, because you were shouting really loud, it's audible, but it's annoying! And the weekend plan was made earlier than I got to know about Madhu's party. Besides, she didn't invite me directly!

Arpita- That's alright baby, she told me to tell you! And how would it look if I go alone there?

Pinaki- Then don't go alone, come with me, i'm meeting a few friends from high school for some beer and pool!

Arpita- Do I know them?

Pinaki- You know about them!

Arpita- See? But you know Madhu, she's your friend too?

Pinaki- No, she's your friend, I befriended her because she was your best friend from college, and whenever I would come to your college, I would meet you and her together. It was not out of choice, but almost out of compulsion.

Arpita- Pinaki, this is the limit now, you are continuously being rude, and am taking it!

Pinaki- What's being rude in this?

Arpita- Why can I befriend your friends as if they are my friends and not feel obligated and you befriend my friends out of compulsion?

Pinaki- This is about Madhu, not all your friends. Why do you generalize all the time?

Arpita- No, right now its about Madhu but there have been other instances! It is pretty apparent that you don't look at my friends in very high light and think that they don't match up to your intellect or something!

Pinaki- Look, this is getting somewhere else now, you asked me whether we were going to her birthday party or not, so I said no I have other plans. Simple. Over.

Arpita- Alright! (gets up and walks out of the room)

KITCHEN:

Pinaki- Ok fine, we will go to Madhu's, alright? Is it saturday or sunday?

Arpita- Saturday

Pinaki- Oh great. I can shift my plan to sunday.

Arpita- No need, don't do me this favor. I won't force you to come with me to Madhu's if you don't want to!

Pinaki- No you are not forcing me. It is my choice. And can you look at me and talk please, instead of crushing coriander!

Arpita- It's not coriander, these are mint leaves. You don't know jack shit about cooking do you?

Pinaki- Whatever! Pay attention to me..

Arpita- Alright. Tell me.

Pinaki- I'll come with you to Madhu's, ok? Now just hear me out why I didn't want to come.

Arpita- Why?

Pinaki- Look i'm very non-cultural, if there's a word like that! I might be a bengali but i'm neither a musician nor a painter nor a poet! In fact I wasn't even a good football player. These people who come at Madhu's place are all true and pseudo intellectuals who sing beautifully and narrate great poetry written either by them or by Tagore! I don't like it there. Its suffocating for me. I only drink with my friends and gossip, that's my hanging out! Are you getting it?

Arpita- Baby I understand, but you can do what you like all the time na? This is someone's birthday, cant we manage this much as grown up individuals?

Pinaki- Precisely why I said i'll come with you!

SATURDAY EVE AT MADHU'S:

Tejas ( Madhu's fiance )- Ok who's next? We can't let this stop, just one after the other we need to keep singing, or else the whole point of a Karaoke is lost!

Lady in Rich Saree- Ok i'll try a Rabindra sangeet...i learnt during my school days!

Lady's husband – All bengalis have...that's why we are so weak in mathematics.....hahahahaha

(LOUD LAUGHTER OF THE WHOLE GROUP)

Tejas- Actually maam, I don't think this Karaoke machine has Rabindra sangeet songs fed in it. You'll have to select something from this diary, all bollywood songs...

Madhu- Arpita will you sing something? You used to be so melodious in college days!

Arpita- Haha, hardly, nowadays not even our singers sing melodiously, how do you expect me to do it?

(LOUD LAUGHTER OF THE WHOLE GROUP)

Pinaki- Excuse me?? Can I sing a song?

Tejas- Sure dude, which one?

Pinaki- Kuchh to log kahenge, Kishore!