By de'fault'

i was staring at him for quite some time.his navy blue t-shirt went with his complexion so perfectly that it was difficult to not stare at him, atleast for me. even as a child, i knew i wasn't very keen on girls, the way other boys of my age used to crave about them. for me girls were just there for me, existing. my first crush being the immensely good looking actor Rishi Kapoor, even this guy looked quite attractive.
the gentle wind blew, caressing his hair. the curtain of my window touched my nose every now and then as it moved with the cool air passing through. he was waiting at the tea stall for someone. surely he was waiting. he hadn't ordered for a cup of tea till then. atleast i presumed so, even though i was too far away to listen to his conversation with the chaiwala.
from his appearance he looked atleast 3-4 years older than me. there was hair on his face that had been shaved recently, and had grown again. i envied his bicycle too, it just went with his personality so much. for a boy of my age,13, bicycles used to be a big deal. my bicycle was something i was willing to sell for free. it was honestly an embarrassment riding it. in every couple of days i had to go repair it for punctures or my rusted breaks or rusted chain and what not! anyway, his was good, that's the point.
after a while, came a girl dressed in a white t shirt and blue jeans. my friends surely would have found her hot. the love of my life hugged her, and then they went somewhere from the spot in their respective bicycles.
i kept staring at the place he was standing before they left.it was getting dark outside. but that was nowhere close to how dark i felt inside. there was no one at home for a while. i wanted to tell and burst out in front of my mother, about how painfull and dizzy i felt from inside when that boy hugged the girl.
now i really feel it was a blessing in disguise that i couldn't share it to my family that day. the day my family learnt that i am a homosexual, there came an immediate break in the attachment. infact, in an year after that, me and my family parted ways, for more reasons than one though. but surely, this was a major factor. now at 58, unmarried, and with no one who would look after me when i grow older, i feel a terrible void inside me. and this incident suddenly flashes every now and then. not just the boy, but the incident also reminds me of my parents who were not their with me then, and they aren't with me now.